Nothing But Fancy

On Monday I received an email from ABC producer Brian Hartman who wanted my permission to use a few seconds of my YouTube Video from 2008 about a cruise ship lifeboat drill for a story about cruise ship safety on World News with Diane Sawyer.

I hadn’t watched this family vacation YouTube video in years and it made me laugh out loud that he wanted to use a piece of it!  They only used the clips of the lifeboat drill on World news… but I still feel like a little piece of my YouTube brilliance was discovered .

I’m sure it’s only time before Food Network discovers my videos on the best cupcakes, gelato, mac-n-cheese, and meat-n-threes!!

This semester I am taking a play-writing course as part of my electives for my Masters of Divinity.  I would like to explore plays as a form of “message” and/or “sermon” for worship or discussion settings in the church.  I think narrative in play form is a perfect way to address issues we do not like to talk about in church.

Our first assignment was to explore conflict in a short dialogue inspired from a painting, photograph, or image that “sparks and idea for a story.”

I chose the image Christina’s World and image which my dad purchased a print of in NYC before he married mom and it still hangs in our computer room.  My favorite thing about this painting is that it tells a different story for each person who looks at it.  Here is mine…

Protagonist: Christina
Protagonist Goal: To understand her disability
Protagonist Problem: Over the past few years, Christina’s legs have become weaker and weaker due to a neuromuscular condition.  She can no longer walk and requires a lot of care for her family.  Christina questions God’s justice and her life’s worth

Antagonist: Alexander, Christina’s younger brother
Antagonist Goal: Take care of himself
Antagonist Problem: Has been greatly ignored due to Christina’s condition
Taking this character deeper would involve explaining the ways he has felt neglected and invisible to his family.

Antagonist: Momma
Antagonist Goal: Solve her daughter’s disability
Antagonist Problem: Losing faith in a God who does not answer her prayers
With Momma as the antagonist I would like to explore how “supportive” roles can sometimes be the most conflictual.

Scene 1:           (Inside the house CHRISTINA, ALEXANDER, and

MOMMA are seated at a large wooden table eating breakfast. The windows are open and you can see the curtains blowing in the wind.)

MOMMA

Bless the Lord that I can feel a cool breeze coming in over the prairie this morning.  It’s about time for fall to arrive.  This summer was hotter than Hell’s blazes.

CHRISTINA

(agreeing and excited)

Momma this would be the perfect day for Alexander and I to go into town.

ALEXANDER

(crinkles his nose)

I went into town yesterday and when I was down at the store, Andrew and I agreed to meet at creek to go fishing this afternoon.

MOMMA

Today is such a busy day.  With all the washing and cleaning needing to be finished before your father gets home from the fields.

(pause after she sees disappointment in Christina’s eyes)

but I do need some sugar for a pie I planned to make for Sunday supper.

ALEXANDER

(sarcastically and under his breath)

Great, I won’t go fishing with Andrew and it will take extra hours with my cripple sister tagging along.

MOMMA

(gives Alexander a glare)

If you ever want to leave this house again you will apologize to your sister and re-order your priorities.

ALEXANDER:

(pushing back from the table)

Oh, I forgot, it doesn’t matter who I am or what I want to do.  We are only concerned with Christina.  I’m sorry for forgetting my place.  I am going to feed the stock before the sun rises any higher.

CHRISTINA

(Calling after him as he leaves)

It was only a suggestion, It’s not a big deal, I mean, I’m fine at the house.

Scene 2:      (CHRISTINA sits on the floor, arms in a tub of bubbles washing cloths. MOMMA is wringing and hanging sheets on the line.)

MOMMA

I don’t know what I’m going to do with that boy.

CHRISTINA

(long pause)

I wish my legs would get better instead of worse, then he wouldn’t hate me so.

MOMMA

Nobody hates you!  We all want your legs to get better.  He’s trying to find his independence and hurting those he loves the most in the process.

CHRISTINA

Do you actually believe my legs will get better?

MOMMA

I want to believe.  But I just don’t know sweet pea, I just don’t know.  I do know there’s nothing that I pray for more.

CHRISTINA

What I know is that no one understands what it’s like be useless. Folks pity me or worse see me the way Alexander sees me, like an unmovable, worthless burden.

(Momma finishes clipping a piece of laundry and kneels before her daughter)

MOMMA

I knew the first time I saw you that you were born to stand out.  You have always had a heart that loves all things and an inner strength that is surer than the rising of the sun.  God gave these traits and your legs to you as gifts.  He will only make them stronger.

CHRISTINA

I don’t feel strong!  And even though you try, you can’t be strong for both of us.

MOMMA

Don’t talk like that!  Look at your arms! I know I couldn’t get this wash done without you.  We only have a few pieces left.

(Without saying a word CHRISTINA dries her hands and pulls herself to the porch, up on the rocking chair and stares across the prairie as her mother finishes the laundry.)

Scene 3:      (CHRISTINA refuses to come in for the mid-day-meal and after ALEXANDER finishes his afternoon work, he is forced to take CHRISTINA into town.  CHRISTINA no longer wants to go, but her mother begs her to leave the porch.  ALEXANDER lifts his sister into the horse drawn buggy to go to the store.  A little over ten minutes passes before either says a word.)

CHRISTINIA

I wish I were a bird; I would be forced fly or die.

(CHRISTINA flings herself down from the buggy and falls to the ground with a thud.  She slowly catches her breath and begins to drag herself towards the house.  ALEXANDER stops the buggy and watches her struggle up the hill.)

Everyone of my closest friends told me that I HAD TO see The Help.  After going to see it tonight… I know why! Could their be anything more worth while than telling of cross-cultural stories of suffering, healing, pain and hope?!  I was deeply touched by the moive for 100 different reasons — most of which have to do with the many stories I heard this summer of the women in Uganda.

Sarah, a friend of mine in Uganda told me about her childhood on a taxi ride to Jinja.  She showed me the place she used to live with her “step” mom (step mom in this case stands for her dad’s second wife).  ‘s mom lived in a town nearby to go to school and work for Sarah and her sister’s school fees.  Sarah used to walk to the garden to dig in the morning before school, she would arrive late to school and was usually punished for being late.  She would leave school early to go back to the garden to work and when the sun went down she would go home.  Usually Sarah’s only meal was posha and beans at school.  Sarah, the eldest of four girls, took care of her younger sisters too.  She said that she had ulcers as a child and could barely take care of herself– let alone the other girls.  To make matters worse her dad was an alcoholic and was never kind to Sarah or her sisters (she did not expound on what it meant that he was “never kind” — but to this day, Sarah is the only one who will speak to him — her sisters will never go near his home.)  When her mother realized the situation her daughters found themselves, she quit college to come back and care for her children.  Sarah’s mother soon got a job as a primary teacher (elementary in the States).  I know this did not pay for all the bills.  I am not sure how they made ends meet or if the ends were just empty stomachs.

I thought about The Help and how I don’t understand how people could rationalize having separate toilets!  I don’t understand how they could let their neighbor live in a situation where she was constantly beaten.  I don’t understand.

However, I can’t help but hope that 50 years from now my daughter is asking the same thing of me — how did you rationalize letting those women in Uganda live in such poverty and pain?  Because that would mean that women like Sarah and her mother have found a way out of poverty and women like Nancy had the courage to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

After a long flight, I reached the US.  I arrived in around 1:00pm central and went to my house.  I forced myself to stay awake and made an appointment at the Apple/Mac store at 7:30pm to get my computer fixed (they fixed it before I left… but the screen flickered the whole time I was in Uganda).  The Apple store in Nashville just so happens to be located at the Mall at Green Hills, this is the fancy, upperclass mall in the Nashville area.  Waiting for my Genius Bar appointment, I sat on a chair in the middle of the mall lost and a bit afraid.  Afraid of a culture based on consumerism  and lost in the sights of wealth and smells of perfumes, food, and new-shiny-clean things.

What does it mean to be home?  Is it as the Cheer’s song tells us, “Where everybody knows your name.” or is it “where the heart is?”  I do admit that being around people who know my name makes me feel at home — More than anything else this summer I missed being near my dearest friends and family.  I also feel at home in places where my heart is full and where I find my truest self being revealed.

Sunday morning we offered communion at my church.  My friend and pastor handed me the body of Christ and said, “Welcome home.”

Cultural poverty is a space where people do not have a home.  I am one of the most blessed people in the world to feel at ‘home’ in two cultures — Uganda and the States.  I feel the tug of both homes and people who love me… sometimes I mistake this for being out of place in both cultures… but when I think about my true home in the body of Christ — I know that I will always be home and the door will always be open.

My bags are packed (well mostly packed) and some of me is ready to go… but the other part is just getting started here.

Yesterday I had an amazing meeting with an amazing women named Sarah who is earning her masters of theology at Uganda Christian University.  She was introduced to me through Dr. Nassaka.  We sat on the lush green lawn of UCU and discussed writing a theological Women’s development curriculum for village women.  We decided it would be a 10-week curriculum and discussed the following issues:

1. Traditional Culture, Modernity, and Christianity
2. Who is God? And What about the Trinity
3. Bible Interpretations and Methodology
4. Women’s worth and leadership in the story of Deborah
5. Gender Roles
6. Health Practices and Sickness
7. Family Planning
8. Polygamy and Domestic Violence
9. Basic Financial Knowledge – How to save, how to invest in small business, how to spend
10. Marketing – buying and selling products

This is no small task, but I have yet to find a curriculum like this one that addresses all domains of life – physical, spiritual, relational, emotional and intellectual.  Some focus on financial development, while others focus on health practices and others spiritual needs.  We are hoping that each teaching can stem from a Bible story and/or example and empower all domains of the women’s life.  We are going to co-write the whole thing.  Parts that I will write will be added to and reviewed by Sarah… I am very excited!

In addition Rose has just started building the United Methodist Women’s Empowerment Center of Jinja! She is going to teach the women to raise Chickens and grow mushrooms in addition to financial and business development.  More on this later –with pictures!

There is so much amazing and exciting work to be done here and it is being completed by women who love God and others with their whole hearts.  I am thankful to be part of their team and hopeful that I will continue to discover what it means to love God and love others though this work and their example.

Canoeing on Lake Victoria to Kenya
A few weeks ago I traveled to Bussia, a town on the border of Uganda and Kenya.  I only have a single entry visa to Uganda – so I wasn’t planning on crossing the border – BUT when my friend told me that it was a 30 minute, 10,000 shilling ($4), canoe ride across Lake Victoria to the Kenyan border and that I wouldn’t pass a border checkpoint, I decided that I would take a quick trip to Kenya!

The canoe was made of thick, hard wood and weighed so much that 3 men had to push the boat into the water.  I took my friend and escort Moses, who cannot swim and has never been in a boat for more than 5 minutes, with me on my journey to Kenya.  Two men got into the boat with a very long stick and an arms length paddle.  I thought, “This will be interesting.”  I watched as one man stands in the back of the canoe with the long stick in the water.  He pushes, with all of his body weight against the stick wedged in the bottom of the lake and propels the boat forward.  The other man sits in the front of the boat.

After about 10 minutes analyzing the distance traveled and time taken, I realized that my 30 minute boat ride would be on African time… about an hour later we reached the Kenyan border.  It was obvious that this was not a typical muzungu way to travel to Kenya because I got exceptional stares when we entered the small canoe-port.  I got out of the boat, walked up the road, took a photo IN KENYA, and then got back in the boat.  I sat and watched a woman wash her son in the lake and then the men and women wash their jerry cans and then fill them with the brown, murky water.  When our drivers came back the one in the front was now propelling the boat in the back.

Small waves lapped on the side of our boat and there was a decent wind on the water.  Moses kept talking about how the disciples felt right before Jesus calmed the storm.  I chucked a bit at the comparison, but for someone who is deathly afraid of water and to be in a canoe traveling to Kenya – maybe it’s a good analogy.  I used my lifeguard training to tell Moses that if something happened and we fell in the water that he should simply STAND UP.

All in all, the journey was extremely refreshing for me.  I am energized being on the water and enjoy the beauty of Lake Victoria, which is comes in second to Lake Superior as the largest lake in the world.  There was not another boat in sight and I enjoyed watching the sun fall in the sky as we reached the Ugandan shore.

The River Nile
Last Monday I decided to be a tourist.  It is common for people to white water raft the Nile for $125, but when I found out I could tandem kayak the Nile—I knew that for $140 I needed this extreme experience!  Plus they transport you to and from the Nile and feed you a BBQ dinner .

I have kayaked in the ocean and on rivers before, but never in white water.  After loading in my kayak the first thing my guide taught me was to roll the kayak.  When one kayaks you wear a “skirt” that keeps water from entering the Kayak so it is possible to roll upside down and back around without too much trouble. (I have done this by myself where I am in charge of how long I stay in the water and use my own strength to flip it back upright… but I have never waited for someone else to flip me.)  Basically, when the boat flips upside down he directed me to throw my paddle and hug the boat as close as possible and wait for him to flip it back over.  We practiced a few times in the still water and it was easy to wait for him to flip us back upright.  He told me that the Nile is deep water and that hitting your head on rocks would not be a problem.  But just in case, we were all given helmets.

Being in a kayak for the rapids felt like I was literally sitting on top of the water for all of the action.  I had a front row seat for each wave to catapult me out of the water or hit me square in the face!  It was intense, invigorating and exhilarating.

The first time we flipped in the rapid — please try to imagine my fear!  I am upside down in a boat –your legs trapped inside the kayak and your body submerged in water which is tossing you different directions.  I grabbed the boat with my arms but decided that waiting for the flip would mean my death and I panicked, released my skirt, and swam to the surface.

While I was bobbing down the white water I realized that the whole thing probably happened in about 6 seconds – 2 seconds for the wave to take us over, 2 seconds for me to hold, and 2 seconds for me to swim to the top.  BUT IT FELT LIKE A LIFETIME!

The second time we flipped I knew it was coming when I saw the wave!!  I remember counting 1 wait Nancy, 2 wait Nancy, 3 wait Nancy, 4 wait Nancy, 5 wait…. PANIC!  I swam to the surface road out the rest of the rapids and a rafting boat quickly came and pulled me aboard.

All in all it was one of the best water experiences of my life!  My guide was hilarious and there were 2 other tandem kayakers that I could share stories with as we traveled down the river Nile between the seven rapids.

The experience also made me realize that there are plenty of people who travel to Africa and never talk to an African beyond the ones that are serving them on their tourist adventure.  They eat BBQ and travel in hot air balloons over villages for the same price that one of the women and her children in the village could live for a year.

That said, I also met a man on the rafting trip who was a missionary in Uganda for 6 years with his family and he started the Source Café in Jinja town.  Over the next few days I visited the café and met the women in charge of women’s development.  Ida is native to Busoga (the tribe covering Jinja) and is doing INCREDIBLE work with women—specifically theological development.  It is a week later and I’m back in Jinja talking with her about her women’s theological curriculum and her development work.  As we shared our similar interests we realized that we would continue to resource one another and I know that she will be a wonderful connection with women’s work in Uganda.  I am forever amazed that much of my relationship with God looks like my tandem kayak adventure on the River Nile.  Sometimes it is intense, invigorating and exhilarating – Sometimes I get out of the boat and go for a swim or just sit in the boat and look around – most of the time I have trouble waiting and panic before God can flip the boat back upright – but all the time God puts people, beauty, and fun along my path to love and direct God’s plan – “plans to give hope and a future.”

On Tuesday I lead a workshop for women in a village near Busia on the Kenyan – Uganda border.  When the program was arranged, I tried to explain… wait, I don’t want to lead a workshop, I want to hear from the women.  But it was no use, I would lead a day workshop for the women of the region.

I designed the workshop in a way that would allow them to share their songs and stories with me.  I started with a group reflection and study of the story of Deborah.  I wanted to teach them my favorite way to interpret scripture: Read the scripture, feel into the scripture, and then respond out of the scripture.  We read the amazing story of Judge/Prophet/Warrior Deborah (If you haven’t read it or it’s been a while–check out Judges 4:1-24).  The 20 women and I broke up into small groups and then answered questions about the way the characters may have felt in their circumstance.  Then I had them answer questions about what we have to learn from each character.  It was a simple Bible study, but you could tell that the women hadn’t done something quite like this.  Once they understood that I wanted to discuss questions and then share with the group… the lesson worked well.

I shared the way that I respond out of this Scripture based on the last five weeks of my life.  Basically it went something like this:  Deborah is called the “Mother of Israel” in her victory song because she saw Israel’s oppression, hurt, and lack of leadership.  Therefore, what it means to be mother is to listen to God and be able to lead and provide for your family.  In traditional women’s roles, we have been viewed as “property” and that we should be “managed.”  Some people say that God wants it that way, but God sees us as beloved and able to be faithful leaders for God.  We can be mothers and women like Deborah and Jael.

During my group meetings it is almost always a man who is translating for me.  This was significant for me in this meeting because I felt like he was accepting my message and helping me to empower these women.

I wanted to hear their songs and stories!  So I talked about the song that was written about Deborah and her story of faith.  I invited them to share their songs and stories of faith.  Like the small groups, it took them a little while to feel free to share, but once they began they were open to share their lives with me.  They shared for over an hour.  Some sang worship songs in their language and songs learned in English, others talked about their marriages, issues of poverty and sickness, struggling for education, having faith in God, and being healed.  The Ugandan church has a rich history of testimony and the women need no help or training in how to share the way God has been, is, and will work in their lives!

We took a break and then spent some time interpreting Gen 1:27, being created in the image of God.  I focused on having them ask questions trying to discover more about this passage to “feel into” the text.  This turned into a discussion of what it means to be created in the image of God.  I was amazed by their interpretations: they talked about treating everyone fairly because of God’s image, they talked about being made like God, and having God inside of us.  To respond out of the text I asked them to think about how women gain their worth.  We discussed beauty, marriage, and children and then how our worth should be built on the foundation of the image of God.

I emphasized the fact that women are able to interpret Scripture through the Holy Spirit and that you can use this process to interpret the Bible in your life.  This is not always something that women believe about themselves… but it is important for them to know that God has given them the ability to interpret Scripture. —I did the “image of God” lesson on Thursday with a woman’s group and when I was finished explaining the process, one of the women asked what she should do if she cannot read.  I had never considered her question and told her to interpret Scripture with a group of women.  Have one read the passage and everyone answers questions in community.

After the workshop, the woman leader who was interpreting for the women’s stories and the image of God lesson asked me how she can share this with her women’s group and if there were more examples.  I told her all she needs to do is be open to the Holy Spirit, keep reading, trying to relate to the text and characters, and then relate the text to her life.  But I am not satisfied with my answer and this question has not left me since she asked it.

There are women’s groups that meet at church every week and there are no women’s Bible studies or curriculums— or none that I have seen or heard (and I have asked).  Churches are lucky to have Bibles, they are extremely fortunate to have hymnals, and curriculum is expensive to print and produce.

What if there were a relevant and culturally sensitive theological curriculum to address the theology of women’s issues and development in Uganda?!

Who would write such a thing?  I cannot pretend to take on a task like this as an American woman, however… maybe… I could help co-write something that could be adapted, reviewed, and edited by a Ugandan woman theologian.

There are no ordained women in the East African Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church.  But there are women Priests in the Church of Uganda (Anglican Church).  Today I met with Rev. Joy Isabirye, one of five women to serve in the Busoga diocese.  She is a professor of Old Testament, working on her PhD in ethics in Nairobi, and in her third year of ordained ministry.  She is Rose’s mentor and we went to visit her yesterday.  She answered my never-ending questions with an open heart!  I wish I could type out our whole conversation!  She encouraged me greatly and explained her theological views on polygamy, domestic violence, HIV/AIDS, traditional women’s roles, and many other topics.  She also directed me to talk with Rev. Dr. Olivia Nassaka, Dean of Mukono Christian University, about my work.  She focuses on theology and women’s issues.  Hopefully I will meet with her this week.  I’ll keep you posted on developments…

I am in my fifth week here and I finally hit a wall… I must be honest about some of my external and internal challenges.  I feel like African mission work is extremely glorified in the States, but it is difficult for me –

I am always outside of my comfort zone.  People are welcoming me and receptive to my presence… however, the culture is SO DIFFERENT that I feel frustrated about many of the events that happen.  I’m not sure where to begin…  I’ll start with the fact that EVERY plan is subject to change.  If they say I’ll pick you up at 8:00am… they might show up before 10:00am.  But, if I am scheduled to meet people at 9:00am they may or may not arrive sometime between 10 and 11… and just because people have arrived doesn’t mean the workshop will actually start before 12:00pm.  I am constantly wondering the right thing to do when I am just sitting waiting for the program to start – is it rude to read a book?  Should I continue to try and communicate with more slow English words with hand and facial gestures to the one woman who is seated with me waiting for the others to gather?  Should I get up and ask the head woman or man pastor to gather the women—who clearly see that I am seated and ready to go?

Also, if someone says, “Let’s meet on Saturday at 3:00pm.”  It actually means – “I have the intention of meeting with you, but I have no idea when or where that time will be.”

OK… I know what you’re thinking… Nancy, chill out and realize that things will never start on time or just plan for time to be flexible… but when I am coordinating meetings with people and I leave my house at 7:00am – because everyone knows that people from the States are on-time – and I end up searching for a place in town to sit or stand for an hour or two… it can get frustrating.

Also, EVERYWHERE I GO I am seen as a money tree.  Kids on the street scream, “Jambo Musungu” and if I give them attention they frequently ask me to buy them something.  Waters and waitresses will ask me for my phone number or email to contact me later.  Students at schools will ask me if I can find them a sponsor.  I had to get my phone fixed the other day and the guy that fixed it texted me yesterday: “Hi. Don’t fear this text but it’s me who help u 2 solve e problem in your phone 2 start sending text messages.NOTE always remember me since it was my 1 time 2 u Repply it and remember me even if you back to home $ Send your Email were I can chat with u when your back. Night u.”  SERIOUSLY?!!!  (I obviously ignored it).

The stereotype of ignorant people in the States of all Africans is that they are all starving and living in huts – There is a stereotype of ignorant people here that everyone in the States is rich.  No joke, when I tell some Ugandans that there are poor people in the US, they are shocked and they wonder why the States gives Uganda aid.

Something else that gets to me is that there is a “real” price for things and there is a “musungu” price.  I have to pay twice as much for much of my transportation, accommodation, services, food, you name it… because I have white skin.

I basically live off of rice, pineapples, bananas, sodas, and wafer cookies.  Most of the food that is cooked makes my stomach upset and the majority of it is fried!  People also assume that I want to eat “chips” (aka French fries) for every meal.

Everything is constantly dirty.  When I wash my hair the water that comes out is literally orange with dirt.  The majority of the population does not wear deodorant.

This week I was in a taxi… stuffed on the side with four other people in my little row… and the girl in front of me didn’t want the window open and I told her I wanted it open but she closed it and I just gave up… I threw a temper tantrum in my head and I thought to myself:  I hate Africa!  However, it didn’t take me long to realize that I don’t hate Africa… I hate myself and the fact that I was born in a country and lifestyle where I never have to be truly uncomfortable!

People live like this — stuffed into a taxi every day.  They have to pump their water and carry it for miles to just have a sponge bath, cook, and boil it to drink.  They walk for miles in the dust and dirt to get to a job that may or may not pay them what was agreed.  They sell crackers, roasted corn, and tomatoes on the street to SURVIVE.  They wash all their cloths by hand and hang them to dry.  They cook everything from scratch – including slaughtering the animal.  Western toilets are a novelty – they mostly use a simple hole in the ground.

Henri Nouwen helped me process my self loathing this week through the words of Jean Vanier, “Often I go off in dreams about living and being with the poor, but what the poor need are not my dreams, my beautiful thoughts, my inner reflections, but my concrete presence.  There is always the temptation to replace real presence with lovely thoughts about being present.”

Jean also said, “Poverty is neither nice nor pleasant.  Nobody truly wants to be poor.  We all want to move away from poverty.  And still God loves the poor in a special way.”

OK… I’m thinking… I feel enough love by God that I can go back to my “inner reflections” and keep my “presence” to myself.  Phew, it would be terrible to put myself in uncomfortable situations for the rest of my life…

But Jean goes on to say, “Jesus did not say, ‘Happy are those who serve the poor,’ but ‘Happy are the poor.’  Being poor is what Jesus invites us to, and that is much, much harder than serving the poor.  The unnoticed, unspectacular, upraised life in solidarity with people who cannot give anything that makes us feel important is far from attractive.  It is the way to poverty.  Not an easy way, but God’s way that the way of the cross.”

Here I am complaining because I have the ability pay twice as much for something – I have a lot to learn.

It’s been 4 weeks in Uganda and I still wake up in the morning under my mosquito net and think… Whoa, I’m in Africa.

Sometimes it’s not the mosquito net that reminds me… it’s the blaring radio music as early as 7:30am.  There is a constant backdrop of pop music played from house windows, restaurants, stores, churches pretty much anywhere there could be a radio playing—it is on and usually at full volume.  There is a song I hear literally 5 times a day (I heard it 6 times yesterday).  Actually pretty much anytime I hear it I say to whomever I’m with, “I have never heard this song!”  (My sarcasm is usually lost on them… but I get a kick out of it.)  The song is called, “Takatiki.”  Takatiki – is the sound a clock makes – like our tick tock.  The song is about a woman who is waiting for her lover to come home, to call, and to be with her.

Last night I went out to listen to live music.  Much of our pop music trickles over to Uganda, but there are many pop Ugandan and African songs.  Another popular song is sung by a man and says, “I would rather be with an ugly woman who can produce children and welcome others than just a beautiful woman.”  Another one is called “Mwami” which is the word for husband in Lusoga (it sounds a lot like mommy… and I originally thought she was calling for her mommy).  A woman is singing to her husband who fulfills her.

Before I left the states, my best friend recommended that I read the book: He’s Just Not That Into You.  (This is the kind of book that only your best friend who loves you and knows your past relationships recommends) I didn’t get a chance to read it, so I brought it with me to Uganda.  Basically the book is about the excuses women make for men who may treat them poorly in various situations – anything from not calling to fear of commitment to dating other girls – it tells the reader to get rid of the guy who is “just not into them.”  I laughed a lot at myself… then I thought about these Ugandan pop songs and the many American pop songs about fulfillment in being intimate with another person.  I am realizing that a lot of empowering women is helping us realize that our worth is not dependent on the men in our lives.

Polygamy has touched so much of this society.  You can see the pain it causes the women and children and the church, for the most part, is silent.  The church does not want to split families and is struggling to address the even deeper issue of poverty.  I want to know what goes through the heart and mind of the third wife and what about the lives of her children?

Friday I went to a culture day with Mukwaya (my teacher/introduction leader friend).  It’s the African version of solo and ensemble where every school choir in a district sings for judges.  Each culture day has a theme to educate the community and has numerous performances.  First each choir must sing the East African Anthem then they compete with speeches, traditional songs, original compositions, and traditional instruments.  This culture day was about the East African Community.  I learned that Uganda, Rwanda, Brundi, Kenya, and Tanzania are in a partnership and will soon have one currency.  The speeches and some of the original compositions were advocating for open trade between the countries and have a single language, Swahili.  One of the original compositions talked about poverty and how the east African community is helping to end poverty and children suffering.  (I kept thinking I hope this is more like the European union and not NAFTA.)

The traditional songs and instruments were my favorite!  There were no endongos, but there were many children playing the endingidi (thumb piano) and endungu (bow harp).  It was sometimes hard to hear.  I had a really good seat for the anthems, but it got REALLY long and REALLY hot inside the hall space, so I gave up my seat to get some air outside.  When we came back we stood in the back… but Mukwaya made sure to translate the songs.  One of the songs was about being a barren woman.  She went to the witch doctor and he blessed her and then she had twins!  The kids energetically acted out the whole thing… ha ha!

Almost every day this week I have visited with a woman’s group or choir.  I love the time I get to spend with the women because each group is different and I never know what to expect and I always learn something new!  Thursday I met with a group of women who have a development project where they teach women to sew for 5000 shillings a month (that’s $2).  I met some of the women sewing, some with their babies at their feet.  They learn on paper bags, but eventually they are able to make cloths to sell or find a job in town.  It was originally made for the women in the church, but now they have opened it to the community.  This church has a fantastic choir they taught me three songs.

I love choir rehearsals without the instruments present or when the power is out.  Almost every church, in which I have been, has an electric keyboard.  I have yet to meet a woman piano player.  It was explained to me that men play the instruments because a woman does not have time to learn.  The instrumentalist uses one of the 10 drum loops on the keyboard and plays it behind every choir song.  Many piano players do a great job of playing by ear and they transpose each of the songs using the black keys.  Yet, it is always TOO LOUD.  It is impossible for me to teach a song with a drum loop and someone trying to figure out chords in the background.  So, I usually ask them to learn the song with me, then I helped them learn the accompaniment.

I have to constantly tell myself to slow my speech, especially when teaching.  Today I was in a group and no one was willing to translate, so I spend 1.5 hours speaking slowly to a room full of blank stares – by the grace of God we learned the song, “Draw Me Close to You.”

Saturday I went to a beauty parlor, mostly because I wanted the experience to see how and where women get their hair done, but I also wanted to get my toes painted.  I waited for about an hour and watched a weave put into a woman’s head and some other women get up-dos and then put on a gomsei.  My pedicure took about an hour… I don’t think my feet have ever been cleaner!  The boy scrubbed my feet!!  I had to ask him to stop because I was worried I would not have any skin left!  The basin for my feet was filled with burning hot water, so I knew that it was clean and the water for the clippers was steaming too, so I felt pretty good about the whole thing – It cost 15,000 shillings, which is about $6 and my toes look great.  However, my feet became dusty again the moment I walked outside!

Thank you if you are still reading — I realize this is just a random assortment of thoughts and experiences… but I have to share these experiences of a lifetime and find a way to process the privileged that I own in order to have them!

Saturday I was able to attend a traditional Uganda introduction ceremony.  This is traditionally the even that occurs for a couple to be married.  Today, many Ugandans do an introduction first and then get married in a church like the west.  At the traditional ceremony everyone wears the traditional attire of a man, a Kanzu, and woman, a Gomez.

Rose arrived in the morning to help me dress in my Gomez.  Last week I picked out the fabric and had a tailor make the dress.  She helped me tie the stiff fabric that is wrapped around your waist and folded over to make a “crinoline” under the dress and add bulk to the back.  You put the dress on like a jacket and button it on the top left.  There is a long piece of fabric, which you fold on the left side and drape over the large sash you tie around your waist.

When I came out of my guesthouse room and an older Ugandan woman sitting in the front saw me, her eyes went wide and she said to me, “You look smart!”  I discovered after that moment that ‘smart’ is a very positive affirmation for women and I have to admit… I heard it a few more times that day!  She helped to adjust my sash and when she was finished there were about five women standing around talking in Busoga… but I didn’t need a translator… I knew they were all admiring the musungu in a fancy Gomez !

We road a boda boda (motorcycle) to the meeting place where Rose’s friend would take me to the wedding.  I had to ride like a woman – side saddle – because it is impossible to spread your legs in all the fabric!

When I got there I met Steven Mukwaya.  He is a high school economics teacher in a local Catholic school and spends his weekends doing introductions for extra money.  At a traditional introduction you have two “spokesmen.”  One speaks for the bride’s family and the other for the grooms family.  Spokesmen are Uganda comedians who help make the event both entertaining and a celebration.  Steven has the perfect personality for the job and I had the honor of being his date!

We waited at this restaurant for the groom and the groom’s family to arrive.  A taxi of women arrived, each dressed in a beautiful Gomez.  I slowly walked out with Steven and when they saw me they immediately had smiles on their faces.  I walked over and they all stared at me as if they had never seen a Gomez in their life!  They were a chatter of Busoga—commenting on the fact that I look ‘smart’ and that my designer did a wonderful job.  I was overwhelmed at the welcome I received from everyone and honored that they were glad to have me as part of the celebration!

We stopped in two other locations before we reached the wedding.  We kept waiting for more family members to join our caravan.  We drove through a very rural village and I was able to see many village homes.  Most homes in the various towns are square and look like American ranch homes.  Homes in a village are round with a thatched roof.

The celebration was supposed to begin at 1:00pm.  It was 4:00pm when the bride’s family was ready to receive the groom’s family.  We lined up women on one side and men on the left.  Steven had to be in front with a microphone leading the conversation between the two families.  So, I joined Lynn and Dino a very sweet couple who were able to explain what was happening.

As the guests of the groom, we sat in the most decorated tent.  There were three other tents.  Two with the bride’s family and the other for people from the village who wanted to join the celebration.

Once we were seated the groom’s speaker (Steven) asks for people to come out of the bride’s house.  There is a series of young girls, aunties, young women, grandmothers, young men, and women with food for the groom’s guests who come out of the house by the request of the speakers to modern, Ugandan music.  Basically each time people come out we are looking for the bride. There is a lot of talking between the speakers, clapping, and women are asked to kneel at various points in the ceremony.  The bride finally came out dressed in an elaborate orange and gold Gomez – she was beautiful aka ‘smart.’  She and her attendants walked around the middle space and the kneeled before the groom’s family.

Now it’s time for the bride’s auntie to find the groom, who is hidden in our tent.  She found him and penned on a corsage.  There is more talking – basically introducing the groom to the bride’s family.  Once he is ‘accepted’ the bride walks over and greets the groom.

Now it’s time for the groom’s gifts.  Traditionally, this is the ‘dowery’ for the payment of the woman and the parents stipulate how many cows, chickens, and goats are needed in payment for their daughter.  Today, the groom gives ‘gifts.’  Our groom was an engineer and brought MANY, MANY gifts.  Some of them come in baskets – gifts of fruit, oil, flower, beans etc. and the women carry them in on their heads.  The first time we went through we had to kneel when we gave the gift on our head.  The bride went back in the house and changed into a pink and gold Gomez and now that she was out of view, I realized that the musungu carrying gifts was now the center of attention.  I had to focus so hard not to trip on my Gomez!  When I kneeled correctly, I could hear affirmation from the guests .

There were many gifts including – cows, chickens, food, sodas, beer, a cistern, and solar panels.  The last gift is a ring given from the groom to the bride.

I was mesmerized by the cake!  It looked exactly like the traditionally way they cook motoke – in banana leaves in a pot!  Even the bricks, which the cake rested, were made of cake.  The cake was very dense and the icing was like a dry fondant.  I have never tasted anything like it – it was sweet, kinda grainy, and everyone had only a small piece (which is the first time I was OK with only a small piece of wedding cake!!).

The bride changed again into a modern looking Gomez, without the high shoulders and brought a basket of gifts to the groom’s family.

The last event of the night is to eat dinner – by now it was about 9:00pm.  The bride changed once more into a blue Gomez for dinner (I can not imagine how much all her beautiful Gomez cost!!).  The groom’s family had a special buffet line and were served first.  (I was thankful to be the guest of the groom!)  It is tradition to eat with your hands – rice, peas, chicken, beaf, motoke, chipati all with gravy and sauce.  I tried to wrap the rice and sauce with my chipati… but I still made a mess!!

Things quickly wrapped up after the meal.  Everyone was up and moving around.  I was surprised there was not dancing, but it seemed like everyone wanted to drive home from the village before it got too late.  Steven and I found a car in which to ride back to Jinja.

On the way home… Steven charmingly asked me, “What gifts do I need to bring to your parents to marry you?” I replied, “You would need to bring them the stars and the moon!”