Nothing But Fancy

It is not common for a movie to resonate deeply in me or to capture my thoughts.  However, it is common for a melody, riff, harmony, instrument sound, or anything musically related to completely take me over and wrap me with it’s presence and passion.

The Soloist is a true-story movie about Nathanial Ayers, who understands more deeply that I ever could, how music can reconcile.  If you know me, you know I have a promise for my future that it will involve music and reconciliation… music as a means of reconciliation in all domains of life and health… to each other, to the earth, to our selves, and to God.

While watching this movie I felt God whisper to me… look it’s possible.

This “platonic love story between two very different human beings,” as director Joe Write says when he speaks about this film during an interview on NPR’s All Things Considered, was founded and based upon music — two people find each other and themselves through music and love.

While FSU College of Music is no Juilliard in comparison to intensity or location, I understand the dichotomy of a formal musical education and love for music.  The process of picking apart music to understand tonal harmony, preparing endless hours for juries, and sitting in classes to “train my ear,” made me wonder if someone could truly love music while also trying to dissect it, figure it out, apply pressure, and produce perfection.

The same tension arose during my internship at a Word Entertainment.  Could I wrap in plastic the same four chords over and over and sell it to teenagers and mid-aged women at the same time that I profess my love for music… and much more worship music?  Can I pitch, market, and price a passion that my inner being knows is rarely experienced much less captured on tape?

Mr. Ayer’s story puts to words and image tension I have felt my whole life.  In NPR’s The Real Story Behind ‘The Soloist’, Steve Lopez accounts when they both were invited to view the filming of the scene where they went to the symphony rehearsal for the first time.  Mr. Ayers decides that instead of watching the movie stars and orchestra, he would rather sit outside the Disney Concert Hall and play his cello.  Obviously, Mr. Ayers could not be torn from his music.

This past Thursday I experienced reconciliation in my own life through a group of friends playing music together.  This gathering, known as the “Sound Experiment,” consists mostly of percussion… a few kits, lots of auxiliary and world musical percussion instruments as well as some melodic instruments.  It was initiated out of a desire for genuine worship.  Let me know if you would like to join us… I’m excited to see where it goes.

I’m sure Mr. Lopez or Mr. Ayers never thought their music and reconciliation story would be a book then movie that touches and changes countless lives.  In the interview Mr. Lopez says that Mr. Ayers would like to one day help people with music, as a music therapist.

If you have a story of music and reconciliation… I would love to hear it.

At the end of February I received a letter from Vanderbilt Div. School Admissions:

“I am delighted to inform you that you ahve been admitted to entering class of 2009 at Vanderbilt Divinity School… selected to receive a merit-based award that will cover 55% of your tuition..”

To be honest my first feeling was releif.  I was relieved that I was accepted and I waited for the excitment to set in.  It is now mid-April and I’m still waiting.

I am a person who can get excited about the smallest things… why am I not excited about this new step in my life?

One credit hour at Vanderbilt divinity is $750.  I want to be a missionary.  If one credit of my law school or med school was $750 I would feel great about investing in my future financial returns.  However, my vocations future returns have nothing to do with this earth.  Which is EXTREMELY EXCITING… yet, makes it a terrible idea to take out a $80,000 dollars in student loans over the course of 3 years.

As for assistantships… it’s been said that Vandy, being an academic institution, usually gives those to PhD or MA students (the academic degrees), rather than the MDiv students (professional degree).  So, I’m praying that the United Methodist Church would like to pick up the tab for my educational endeavors.  The UMC, for the most part, understands the spiritual investment they would be making in me!

Regardless of excitement or financial issues, stepping out in faith is as scary as it is real.  I sing songs that say “where you lead I will follow,” “everything I am for your Kingdom’s cause,” “You said, ask and you will receive, whatever you need”…  everything includes not only my present, but my past and future.  MYSELF is the only offering that I have to give.

I am excited to see how all of this fits with God’s promise for my life.