A few months ago I decided to join my friends in the online dating world. No, I didn’t sign up for Tinder–even though many of my smart, talented, beautiful, friends were on it… I just couldn’t stomach denying and more likely, being denied.
I signed up for OKCupid. Yes, I know they are involved in a scandal where they set up people with bad compatibility as an experiment. But it’s free — I am a gal who will park miles from her destination because, well, it’s free.
I think there are a few ways to go about the online dating — I’m really less interested in having long conversations over message and more interested in discovering if you are: a.) remotely compatible with me and b.) decently attractive based on your photos. You would be surprised how many people do not check out with these two criteria.
When these two criteria do not happen, I usually do not respond. This fact alone makes me want to run from the evils of online dating — because it forces me to treat real human beings like they are not valuable. Every human is valuable and for the most part deserves a response. They sent me a message, so I should at least respond or knowledge their humanity — and in my own way this would be subversive in a completely digital mediated reality. However, I don’t have time to respond to every “hello” or “Your hot!” — (to which I want to respond with a grammar lesson and a I’m hot and smart, but I digress).
I basically want to meet you in person as soon as possible — I have to experience the energy of a man before I know if I am attracted to him. I went on a series of dates that were “nice.” There was no one who scared or disrespected me in any way. I actually wanted to say to them — I know you are somebody’s person, you are just not my person and I usually did in one way or another. (Actually — and this is hilarious to me — I was lamenting online dating with a married friend of mine and we were talking about this guy who really loved his debate team and discovered that she went on a date with the same guy three years before!)
When was the last time you went on a date and got back into your car and were smiling? That happened to me a week ago. He started off the date with this completely ridiculous story about a care package and a costume that had me laughing and showed me he would never make apologies for who he is. He had a wonderful imagination, quick wit, and sense of adventure.
So we went on another date and another — I left both of those smiling too. Since that date I’ve texted twice and called once — no response. Maybe 3 dates in a week was too much, maybe I said or did something that he hated, maybe I don’t fit whatever criteria he needs to respond.
But it leaves me sad and feeling less than human.